Unfiltered

I don't have it all together. Some nights that I feel the need to state that. And there can be some hard nights.

I update this blog so that people can keep in touch with my life and my ministry at Flood. It is a great opportunity but there a sense of obligation that I can give to it (and make it feel like a chore). Is it written well enough? Is it pastoral or at least edifying? What will people think!? Yeah, I plant these expectations on myself that you all probably don't even care about. It's goofy.

If I don't get another post up monthly (which is not happening), thank you in advance for your grace. I really do love you all and writing these posts. Yeah dude. In my heart, I got some serious love for you family, friends, seekers and brother's and sister's in Christ.

Dude, that is what I wanted to talk to you all about. What I desire to share with you is this: I WANT YOU ALL TO KNOW JESUS CHRIST. I lose track of that desire sometimes. But, If you are reading this right now, there is a God that loves you (more than you know). It's true. Know that.

Sometimes, I am in my car and say to God, "Can you see me?" And He does. I don't know why I shared that but whatever. Yeah, there are times when I study, pray or journal. Then, I will get down on my knees in awe of God's awesome-ness or dance like a maniac in response to His company. It's true baby. I thank God for sending His son... Thank you Jesus for taking on the pain... How sweet it is to know that there is His Spirit inside of me doing some wild things. INSIDE OF ME!

And even just as beautiful (ironically) are the times that I get down. Why? It' cuz that I can be down and I am not alone. It is terrifying to feel alone sometimes.

I know I make life look so sweet from these blogs. But, there are times that I get down. It's just the reality of what we face on this planet. Some times, I don't know why I am bumming or feel like poop. Other times, it is just realizing some hurt that has occurred in my life (could be when I was 5 years old or 25 years old). There are periods of remorse for several reasons... or trying to live up to some expectation that I have put on myself. We can feel 'at the end of our ropes' sometimes.

I just like not having to hold the rope by myself. God is in the good and has my back in the bad. There can be times when we want to blame God for the bad.

God knows painful moments. His Son got tortured for something He didn't do. Jesus died so that God can hold us while we are in the pain now. When was the last time you felt held?

One day, we won't have to know pain. That is His promise. Read this Psalm #13:.

1 How long, O LORD ? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me?

2 How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me?

3 Look on me and answer, O LORD my God. 
Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death;

4 my enemy will say, "I have overcome him,” and my foes will rejoice when I fall.

5 But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation.

6 I will sing to the LORD, for he has been good to me.

The psalmist David exercises a trust in God that is unimaginable. David knows that he can just lament and even blame God. And God listens. And David. He just realizes that beauty of who our Creator is. We have absolute freedom cry out to our God (even in anger...even in the tough times). Look how David (after all that) still trusts.

Jesus Christ died so we can live and see true beauty in all parts of life. I still don't fully get it.

I have not arrived.

Andy

Africa, a journey for my heart

How do I summarize this trip? Here we go!Our home team (top-right here) spent three and half weeks in Malawi, partnering in leadership with: African Bible College (ABC - see the magical Mrs. Lisa Kowalski mid-right), Children of the Nations (COTN) and Flood Malawi.

To say the least, it was an unforgettable experience of IMPACT.  This blog will not do it justice, but I would still love to share some ‘highlights’ and a few precious links, images and videos to give you a glimpse...

CAMP!  The leadership Bible camp for teenage, COTN orphans was a huge success!!!  Over 140 campers were blessed with a true “retreat” at the base of beautiful Mt. Chongoni.  They experienced four days in a safe place where they could spend their time and energy encountering God in new ways, in fellowship with their peers from different homes and villages, and being poured in to by our camp staff (our team and the national COTN interns). 

The theme, “Body of Christ” (1 Corinthians 12:27) was integrated into every facet of camp: from devotionals to worship to workshops to games.  We knew that althou

gh we could not come offering answers and relief to every hardship they have or will ever face, we could encourage them in the Truth of the Word: that they Belong and are Loved.  These key points were echoed in our Bible-based leadership workshops and evening messages which I had the honor to preach: 

COTN was very appreciative of the camp held for their young men and women.  They shared their hopes for continuing this ministry in the years to come.  We knew it was fun and a break for the kids (and we were hoping it was meaningful), but my heart didn’t realize the true impact God was making until the end.   I watched Courtney, my fiance', pray with a 16-year-old girl.  The young teen asked God to “keep us (COTN kids) safe and growing strong in Him so that one day we (the COTN teenagers) might be able to put on another camp for young ones.”  Amazing!  

It was a privilege.

Oh yeah, these people knew how to worship their God:  

HEALTH CLINIC: During our last couple of days in Malawi, we created a practical, fun and interactive heath education clinic to several COTN villages.  Our goal was to promote healthy habits and disease prevention.  It was a fun and memorable time spent in the homes of these hospitable and gracious people!   

God showed Himself in powerful ways to me and my team. By His mercy, we knew His strength when we grew weak, His patience when we were anxious, and His compassion when we couldn’t bring ourselves to understand things in this drastically different culture. We saw God’s mighty presence in nature, culture, triumphs, and challenges.  He lives through the interaction with our brothers and sisters in Christ.  We saw Him in the faces of the children - laughing, singing, and crying out to God in prayer.   

 Journey into our Journey:  While we were in Africa, we were able to keep an account of trip via Flood's Impact Blogs.  Check out the following links for a look at our time there! 

Team “Camp Malawi” ready for take-off!   

Camp Malawi has arrived!

Camp Malawi embarks!

Camp Malawi Update.

Camp Malawi back from Camp.   

Camp Malawi - Feeling His Joy!  

As you can see from our entries, the trip was transformative, beautiful, sad and uplifting. The Body of Christ is worldwide and it is moving.  

THANK YOU!!!! The time I spent in Malawi this past summer was an awesome opportunity for service and growth.  I’m so thankful to all of you who made it possible for our campers and me to share this experience together!  Thank you for your support, financial gifts, and prayer – this would not have happened without you!   With your assistance, I am affirmed of God's call to pastoral ministry.  

Now, it's time to study...  I love you all!   

Andy

"Riches and Abundance come hypocritically clad in sheep's clothing pretending to be security against anxieties; and they then become the very object of those anxieties." - Soren Kierkegaard

Getting Her...no, Receiving Her

To your right stands my fiance' and I on a beautiful Summer Saturday in Coronado beach. It was a special day: July 18th, 2009.  July 19th would have been one year from the day that I got Courtney back after the time that I mistakenly let her go, does that make sense???  (Thank God for GRACE!).  

I've known Courtney Copeland since October 5, 2007.  We met at Mindi Hopper's birthday bonfire.  I owe Mindi my life (and my wife! HA!).  To make the long story less long:  there have been intro's, laughs, tears, new family and continual prayer.  As it is, she is the one.

I may be behind, but I am never too late. Therefore, I am going to explain how I asked my girlfriend to be my wife.  Ultimately I am also asking for prayer as we engage each other in this new journey.   

Now go grab your rockin' chair as I tell our story...

How it when down: 

This spring Courtney graduated from her nurse practitioner program and had her national certification exam on July 17th, a perfect decoy.  As I vaguely stated above, I wanted to be engaged within a year of us getting back together (...no reason for the year thing....just want to spend the rest of my life with her is all).  

OK.  Back to the Game plan: a week to prepare Courtney's heart for this proposal.

Under the disguise of our upcoming Africa trip, I had 'prepared' a devotional for Monday through Thursday of that week (July 13th - 16th).  Each morning, I took my goose to a strategic location from our past to pray and discuss the following: 

• Monday July 13th, Cardiff Beach (valentine's date Spot) - we talked about our identity in Christ and our individual values as potential parents.  
  
• Tuesday July 14th, Bird Rock (where I got her back, a little under a year ago) - we talked about our combined strengths as a couple.  
  
• Wednesday July 15th, Flood Offices FSN (where I approached her again a year ago) - we discussed our calling as a couple.  
  
• Thursday July 16th, Torrey Pines (our second date) - Our mutual best friend, Mark Lagace (who happened to be running by), prays over us and our relationship.  
  
• Oh yeah.  Friday night July 17th, a celebratory dinner with my future sister and brother, Carrie and Greg Gunn (yes, the genius passed her boards).
  

If you are tracking with me, we are up to Saturday (the big day baby!!!).  

Unknown to my future bride, I had both of my parents and her parents in town to celebrate this momentous occasion.  The scene of the crime: our first date - Coronado Beach.  I secretly lured Courtney to this sacred location through our girlfriends: Linsey Wildey and Mindi Hopper. Supposedly, I am up surfing north county that morning.  

And there she was.  Courtney stood on the first beach we walked together (under the impression that she was checking out a potential-family-photo-shoot-location for Linsey's fabulous foursome).  I walked up to her donning a new collared shirt with some smutz in my hair.  I told her, "I love you.  Let's go for a walk."  On our walk down the beach, we stopped and prayed several times before I eventually led her to a special spot containing the following items: a blanket, a letter, my Bible, and champagne.

The Letter: There were 3 specific messages I conveyed in this last "goin'-steady" love note: 1) the symbolism behind her nickname: Goose, 2) she is my best friend, and 3) a prayer for our future.  First things first: a goose is a creature who will never forget its mate, no matter if he/she dies.  A goose is a loyalty.  Courtney is my Goose, my best friend, and will be my wife. Reading the prayer at the end of the letter was our initiation: I got down on my knee as we prayed amen.   Looking into those deep, green eyes, it was time to reveal the box in my back pocket.  Pulling out the ring, "Courtney, will you marry me?"  Her reply....(suspense)... "YES!" (followed by a timeless hug).  

She was given 45 minutes to decompress...just her and me. I revealed the significance behind the events of the previous week. Together, we read 1 John 4 (<-- Click here to celebrate with us).  We spent the next few hours having lunch with the surprise guests (our parents and her siblings).  That night Courtney enjoyed our surprise engagement party where we celebrated with many of our loving friends.  

And the rest... as they say... is actually happening right now.  I love her.  

Thank you God for this gift. 

There is a tale of Africa to be told.  Stay tuned...

~Andy Kelly

"Although we can, may and/or will fall in love, love is not a pool you fall into.  Rather, it is a choice.  Make that right choice and go swimming."  (OK.  I made that up, but it works.)

PS - I officially Preached on a SUNDAY!!!

If you want the prequel to my story with Courtney, check out my preaching debut from July 5th.  It is my own testimony (story) intermingled with the Parable of the Prodigal Son: CLICK HERE!!! 

The Voice of God

This voice knows you well.  It is that tone you hear which thinks outside of the box: reaching beyond of ourselves.  Wildly enough, it is this voice that cares the most about you (and others) sharing a concern for all inhabitants of this world.  Our discernment is the ability to distinguish God's voice from our own.  The key ingredient towards exercising discernment is our ability to listen.  

...

It is hard and I am still learning.  I believe this to be the most difficult exercise to refine.  As the young prophet Samuel demonstrates, listening requires reaching the juncture between humility and willingness:  "Speak Lord, you servant is Listening." (1 Sam. 3:9).  Because modesty rarely coincides with pro-activity, listening can be lost with the wind.  

But Man!  What we can receive from listening is the key to godly wisdom:  "Fools think their own way is right, but the wise listen to others" (Proverbs 12:15).  Unlike much knowledge we all strive to keep, wisdom is communal and requires insight from external networks.  The channel to those networks is the ears and heart.

Finally, we are able to maximize our ability to listen to God's voice when we pursue righteousness.  When I seek to Honor God with everything I own: my mind, body, temper, time and words (not claiming perfection here..far from it), His words speak loudly through the intake of my mind and heart.  This desired purity becomes a clear communication with the One who appreciates the beautiful and spotless nature of all Creation.  Indeed, God's passionate voice becomes even more audible as we attune our ears, our entire self, to His frequency.  And the process is reciprocal.   Hearing His voice, knowing His promise and taking His Spirit enables you to realize the life we are meant to live.  To hear others' pain and joy, to see the beauty and destitute, to smell the salt in the ocean air but also taste the salt from our tears. Hearing the voice of God is the first step to be in touch with our heart. 

Please don't mistake God's voice for a figment of our imagination.  I have friends that believe that God's voice is our own psyche trying to reason itself from the minutia of living.  Please consider this: God can work (and does work) through our internal filter as He knows this familiarity compliments the comfort of His words.  This is why Dallas Willard, a philosophy professor at USC, states, “All of the guidance which we are going to receive from God, no matter what the external or internal accompaniments may be, will ultimately take the form of our own thoughts and perceptions.”  By contacting us through our only known medium, God is calls and meets us where we are at.  Our God is convenient.  Consequently, there is no work needed to reach Him.  

Being still gains access to our God.  If you listen, He is speaking to you right now.  All you need to do is nothing (no wonder the lulls between sets is a surfer's paradise).   Amen!   

Listen to this:  I love you all!!!

SUPPORTERS - THANK YOU!!!

I just wanted to state that I am incredibly grateful for the journey I have been on with so many of you. Some of you have helped me financially, and many of you have offered your prayers to help me continue through this phase. I cannot express how much I appreciate each one of you. And much beyond the behind the scenes support, I feel the encouragement and the support from everyone each time we see each other or talk. I am incredibly blessed with friends and family, which has always shined and continues to do so in this journey of support-raising. So thank you for believing in me and believing in what God is doing through me. 

Thank you for Standing by Me! (<-- click this link! It's awesome!!!)

Prayer PRAISE!  Zara!

Marcus and Collete's daughter is in remission.  After a 1/2 of year in Rady's Children Hospital, Zara and family is going home.  Thank you for your prayers in this.  Please continue to pray that the leukemia is completely clear from her and does not return.  God bless that little beauty...

Prayer NEEDED!  Africa Update!

Courtney and I have a journey ahead of us.   A team of six San Diegans will arrive in Malawi, Africa on July 15th.  Together with some Malawian COTN interns, we will be running two camps for local orphans, ages 14 - 19, who are about to be done with their secondary education. The aim of the camps is to help the students launch into their adult lives well. Whether it's helping them determine the next step or assisting them to gain life skills and be able to support themselves, we are praying that God will do a big work in the minds and hearts of these 140 underprivileged Malawian youth.  Additionally, we will be hosting health clinics at many of these orphan's homes.  Please pray for this mission.   

More to Come?

There is also another journey ahead for me and Courtney, but that is for another entry.  

- Andy Kelly

"A complete life is the life of a child. When I am fully conscious of my awarenewss of Christ, there is something wrong. It is the sick person who really knows what health is. A child of God is not aware of the will of God because he is the will of God. When we have deviated even slightly from the will of God, we begin to ask, "Lord, what is your will?" A child of God never prays to be made aware of the fact that God answers prayer, because he is so restfully certain that God always answers prayer." ~Oswald Chambers

Prayer Needed

This is my bro Marcus and his little girl, Zara Brazel. She is diagnosed with leukemia. Please take some time to lift her up in prayer. She is a brilliant, beautiful life that makes you smile.

Please keep praying for God's steadfast healing. Pray for the continual miracle of science as well as the doctors, nurses, assistants and all those that are administering to her.

I have no idea how tough this is on Marcus and Collette (Zara's mom). Please pray for their renewed strength, guided wisdom and healing hearts.

Please pray if you don't even know what to pray for. Thank you for your hearts in this.

Andy

"And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:19

"Is anyone among you suffering? Let him pray." James 5:13

The Gym, Vitamins and Truth

Tonight's blog is a late night check-in.  How are you all doing?  Is anybody reading???  If not, then I can journal away baby!  

Dude, it is late.  I can't sleep at all.  Ah well.  

By the way,  I came across this article written by Chuck Colson.  It's sweet.

___________________________________________________

FAITH

The choice we make as to the universe’s origin is the most important choice in life, everything else stems from it, it’s where truth begins. Few people have thought through the choices. But, most are influenced by their cultural prejudices as I found out a few weeks back at a charity dinner. 

At a dinner I sat down next to a man who said, “Just so you know I’m an atheist.” 

I said, “I’m happy to sit next to you because I’ve never met an atheist.” 

He said, “what do you mean?” 

I said, “An atheist is someone who has claimed that the existence of God can be disproved, so please, tell me, how have you disproved God.” 

He said, “Well, I’m an agnostic.” 

“When did you give up studying God? An agnostic is someone who thinks that God can never really be known, and you can only be an agnostic if you’ve tried to know him and exhausted the search. So though you appear to be a very educated person, you’ve made an unsupportable statement.” 

A few weeks later I was reading the editorial page of the state’s largest newspaper, and it was written by my the man I had conversed with at dinner—he was the publisher. He wrote about our dinner conversation and said, “Religion is indeed an important element of all or our lives and something we need to pursue. My own previous point of view proved to be unsupportable.” 

________________________________________________________

This article illustrates the logical (and non-combative) nature of Christianity.  Furthermore, it presents the reality that atheism and agnosticism are both forms of religions.  After the research I have done, I don't have the faith it requires to be an atheist or agnostic.  There is too much truth in Jesus Christ.   

Vitamins

Today, I didn't take my vitamins.  Courtney has got me taking Juice Plus (this is one of the infinite perks of doing life with her).  Aaaahhhh..... Where was I?  Juice Plus!  Man, I now know that this stuff works because without it... I feel like poo.  Them magic pills give me the energy to accept God's work!  Free Radicals can't get ME down!  (I don't even know what a free 'radical' is, but the stuff keeps me moving and grooving!)

Holler at my girl and try them out:  Beautiful Juice Plus Rep.  

Please Note:  If you bother her or email something weird, I will break your ankles.  

The Gym

I have been doing Cross-Fit Flood under Steve Tankersley (he supports my internship in so many ways).  Thank you, bro!  These crazy workouts are making me 20 years old again.  It's time to be able to dunk a basketball.  

If anyone ever wants to check out the Cross Fit, the gym is open on the third Saturday of the month @ 8 AM.  Check it out!  

Conclusion

There you have it.  A healthy diet of fruit & veggie supplements, navy seal regiments and Jesus Christ as God's descent.  Life is good.  This is living (2 Cor. 5:17).

Eyes to the SKY!

Andy Kelly

The proper motto is not "Be good, sweet maid, and let who can be clever," but "Be good sweet maid, and don't forget that this involves being as clever as you can." God is no fonder of intellectual slackers than any other slackers. ~    C.S. Lewis

a note of concern (and hopefully courage)

Please pardon the conversational hiatus from blogging.  As you will find, I can make it a 'to-do' instead of a privilege.  Honestly, I am overwhelmed.  With school, support, ministry, Africa, friends and loving a beautiful girl, I easily compartmentalize these blessings in my life as a lofty chore.  And the biggest bummer: my relationship with God suffers.  Busyness can even make my eternal best friend seem like business.    

Meanwhile, I hear a villainous voice:  "Andy, you are attempting God's work! Keep moving!  Don't stop.  Are you good enough?  I guess not."  That is not me.  And that is not God. 

That is years of  being told that I can be something more, better or different.  This voice conflicts the 'now' beauty that God sees in me.  AND it fogs my own vision.  I become temporarily unable to see the beauty that God has placed around me (and in me).    

Thankfully, there is another voice.  It's Sweeter.  "Friend, can we go for a walk?  I want to spend some real time together.  I love your heart and I want to hear it."  Sometime Christ states,  "Son, you are doing an awesome job."   I love that voice.  Jesus even says that when I think I am doing a cruddy job.   God's freedom is an invitation that we all can experience. 

Freedom.  I had a great conversation about that tonight with my great friends, Brian Borton (dude is a stud).   

Galatians 5:1, 13 - It is for freedom that Christ set us free.  Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened by a yoke of slavery...You (we) were called to be free.  But do not use our freedom to indulge my sinful nature; rather, serve one another in love.  

1 Peter 2:16 - Live as a free people, but do not use your freedom as a cover-up for evil; live as servants of God. 

Freedom is opposed to the evil of not serving each other.  Indeed, slavery is strictly serving ourselves.  Yet, this ethos is linked to everything around us. "Get this self-help book!  Get yourself a bigger car.  Climb the corporate ladder.  Get skinny! You deserve a Golden Goddess or Prince Charming!!!"  This is the world we live in.  

Conversely, when you hear God's gift to serve each other without compulsion (2 Cor. 9:7), there is a something in our of souls that whispers so softly:  "truth"

We are also allowed to scream:  TRUTH!!!

And then there is the golden rule: a two-part position with one overarching statement: Love your God with all your heart, soul and strength AND love your neighbor as ourself.  According to Jesus, you cannot have one without the other.  They are 2 faces to the same coin.   Galatians and 1 Peter prove this by using servants of God and servants of your neighbor interchangeably.   

So how does this help my predicament (my busyness)? I need to reach out to God with the heart of service. Hearing Jesus' voice, it is no problem to continue the dialogue:  "God.  Is this activity glorifying you?  How can this work serve you?  May I use my study or work as a form of worship?  God I want this to be a response to the blessings you have given me.  God allow these efforts to serve others.  Use me to serve you!  And... please give me rest in you. I love you with all that I got. Thank you for loving me with more. Amen."   Just talking with God gives me rest.  

Family, please keep praying for my unbelief.  It feels like taking concrete out of my heart.  It hurts. Pray for my strength.  

I love you all.

Andy

We are all faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as unsolvable problems. ~ Howard Hendricks