I don't have it all together. Some nights that I feel the need to state that. And there can be some hard nights. I update this blog so that people can keep in touch with my life and my ministry at Flood. It is a great opportunity but there a sense of obligation that I can give to it (and make it feel like a chore). Is it written well enough? Is it pastoral or at least edifying? What will people think!? Yeah, I plant these expectations on myself that you all probably don't even care about. It's goofy.
If I don't get another post up monthly (which is not happening), thank you in advance for your grace. I really do love you all and writing these posts. Yeah dude. In my heart, I got some serious love for you family, friends, seekers and brother's and sister's in Christ.
Dude, that is what I wanted to talk to you all about. What I desire to share with you is this: I WANT YOU ALL TO KNOW JESUS CHRIST. I lose track of that desire sometimes. But, If you are reading this right now, there is a God that loves you (more than you know). It's true. Know that.
Sometimes, I am in my car and say to God, "Can you see me?" And He does. I don't know why I shared that but whatever. Yeah, there are times when I study, pray or journal. Then, I will get down on my knees in awe of God's awesome-ness or dance like a maniac in response to His company. It's true baby. I thank God for sending His son... Thank you Jesus for taking on the pain... How sweet it is to know that there is His Spirit inside of me doing some wild things. INSIDE OF ME!
And even just as beautiful (ironically) are the times that I get down. Why? It' cuz that I can be down and I am not alone. It is terrifying to feel alone sometimes.
I know I make life look so sweet from these blogs. But, there are times that I get down. It's just the reality of what we face on this planet. Some times, I don't know why I am bumming or feel like poop. Other times, it is just realizing some hurt that has occurred in my life (could be when I was 5 years old or 25 years old). There are periods of remorse for several reasons... or trying to live up to some expectation that I have put on myself. We can feel 'at the end of our ropes' sometimes.
I just like not having to hold the rope by myself. God is in the good and has my back in the bad. There can be times when we want to blame God for the bad.
God knows painful moments. His Son got tortured for something He didn't do. Jesus died so that God can hold us while we are in the pain now. When was the last time you felt held?
One day, we won't have to know pain. That is His promise. Read this Psalm #13:.
1 How long, O LORD ? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me?
2 How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me?
3 Look on me and answer, O LORD my God.
Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death;
4 my enemy will say, "I have overcome him,” and my foes will rejoice when I fall.
5 But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation.
6 I will sing to the LORD, for he has been good to me.
The psalmist David exercises a trust in God that is unimaginable. David knows that he can just lament and even blame God. And God listens. And David. He just realizes that beauty of who our Creator is. We have absolute freedom cry out to our God (even in anger...even in the tough times). Look how David (after all that) still trusts.
Jesus Christ died so we can live and see true beauty in all parts of life. I still don't fully get it.
I have not arrived.
Andy
