The Porn Identity

I recently preached on the topic of pornography at Flood. My story with pornography is not unlike many. As a sophomore at the University of Delaware, there was a 6-week period where I was going to school, working full-time, and pledging a fraternity. Those memories are filled with heading out 6:30 A.M. and returning back to the dorm at 1 A.M. About a week in, I realized I could partake in a late-night escape from the stress of life on my brand new P.C. The disease Pornography.

I found myself going down a road that would take years to turn around.

Now, it is very easy for all of us to diagnose pornography as a clinical addiction. Although some cases are, pornography is not just an addiction. Pornography is a result of impulsive behavior ("just happened, did out of nowhere"), compulsive behavior (people who range from habitually practicing it, to those who think about it all day to the point that they can’t control their behavior when they go home), and then there is addiction (it controls your life, motivation and vision). There are many causes beneath the act: boredom, needing a high, depression, escapism, masking depression, lack of sleep, marital or relational detachment, low self-esteem and loneliness. And for whatever reason we act on it, we need to acknowledge that there is a problem because it is rampant!

40% And yes, there is a storm of statistics!!! But we are just going to stick to one. Who here goes online (Uh, everyone reading this blog!)? 40% of people that go online are searching for pornography. Now, 40% of that 40%, a little under half, are woman. It’s wild! Now, I want to be careful not to project this statistic on you fine readers but...

After watching CNN the other day, I found out that there are new video games (available online) that are not only filled with racy images but have the “mission” of raping teenage people and their mom’s. What?!

I read this quote: “Porn companies can (and will) capitalize on the latest technological advances because of their deep pockets and the relative certainty that their investments will be returned by customers willing to pony up for their product, experts say.”

Chat rooms are used to create facades of sexual fantasy. Technology is trying to conflate intelligence software with sex dolls to recreate something surreal. And yet, it is not real. In each case, there’s no one real there!!! And yet it is creating real damage.

I read an article in Time Magazine that sociologists and psychologists found direct links between porn and:

• Increased dependency of visual imagery for arousal
• Decreased sexual activity among spouses
• Body issues and behavioral insecurities (men and women)
• Increased divorce rate
• Increased unprotected sex for youth (kids are the largest consumers 12-17)
• Connections with pornography and sexually abusive behavior
• Breach of trust

Whoa! Information overload. Pornography is a real cancer. But instead of me continuing to type, check out the sermon for yourself: The Power of the Pixels.

And let's find healing together in this.

By the way, I preached this with my in-laws in town and it wasn't awkward. In fact, they stood with me while I was up there. Awesome. THAT is another example of God's grace...

AK

Ps - XXX Church has a great website and computer software that provides accountability with online pornography. http://xxxchurch.com/ You partner with a buddy so that he/she can view the websites you are viewing. It paves the way for transparency and honest conversations. This website has brought tightened the bond between me and some fellow warriors who are fighting the good fight.

Dancing with the Parents

Dance Partners,

I have been to a good amount of weddings and yeah, I like mine the best. The one thing that stands out to me in all that I have attended is the Father/Daughter dance and the Mother/Son dance. They are such beautiful displays of the pleasure a parent takes in his or her child. Years of sacrifice that our parents have made and this is one of the most magical moments they share.

I remember dancing with my Mom. I saw the years she spent on me. It was hard at times (I'm sure), but she loved it. She loved giving up her life so that I could run around in the woods with guns made from nailed together 2X4's.

Man, I remember when I had a pretty tough accident a little under a decade ago. I was a child... all hurt up, stuck in the bed and eating blended anything.

Then there was my mom. There is nothing like being in the state of an infant yet having the mind of adult to help you recognize what a parents sacrifices so the child can flourish. It's this sacrifice that lets you know how much you are loved.

My wife Courtney sacrifices. She puts up with me and she serves her friends, our family and the church with her entire heart, time and talent. It's really sexy!!! There nothing hotter than a sweet servant's heart. Her Mom and Pop did an awesome job with this one.

What did I do to deserve sharing life with these women?!

Thank you God!

Dancing with you,

AK