Off the deep end...

Family,

I have been considering getting baptized for a year now. It took some consideration and deliberation to jump in, but I realized that the constant mulling over getting it done pointed to my real desire to get it done, (that is, choosing to be baptized in the Protestant church as an adult, in addition to being baptized as a baby in the Catholic church). Enough reading, check out the video:

The answer is simply this: Freedom. Like Paul wrote, "Now the Lord is Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom." (2 Cor. 3:17). I wanted to be baptized. Moreover, I want to baptize others. That about answers any question that I may have had. Check it...

grace - a definition

Team,

It's been too long since I've blogged, but what a bright, weird and hard season. That's God's grace right there.

The other day at our staff meeting, I was challenged to write a definition of GRACE but without the use of the axioms that seem to flow from our academic minds so easily. Some of those theological definitions of grace include (roughly):

• An infinite God bestowing a divine gift to a finite humanity.
• Love and Mercy merged together
• Justice without Revenge
• Get-out-of-jail-free-card (this one doesn't make complete sense to me but we can talk...)
• the power to do something that we could not do on our own.
• undeserved favor
• unmerited worth
• and underwear backwards... what?!

There are so many definitions out there and yet we all have a hard time conveying this concept (as well as the reality) of grace to others.

Long story less long, here is a definition that I compiled:

Grace is why the Christian worldview works. It is being accepted even when you feel condemned. It is God telling you that you are OK in such a way that when it is received, it simultaneously changes you and the world surrounding you (and me). It is ok. I am OK.

Like a mother's milk, God's grace can bring a malnourished child back to health, gives her sustenance to live the another day, and all the while giving a healthy bacteria to combat the future diseases along the way. It is her husband loving her, holding her, as she cares for this child that was never her own.

Grace is the solid foundation and reality for waking up in the morning, much more doing anything else. Without grace there is no God for we could know him no other way.

With grace defined, I wrote some personal axioms.

• Grace is being comfortable in a worn pair of shoes.
• Grace is head high waves with only a few dudes in the water.
• Grace is my wife holding me for an hour as I scream out to God when a best buddy felt the desire to end his life early.
• Grace is being caught in the headlights, recognizing it and looking away.
• Grace is a phone-call from my Mom and Dad.
• Grace is being yourself, looking down and the looking back up w/ a chuckle.
• Grace is Courtney's cookies. They're so freakin' good.
• Grace is voicing things to others that you are scared to write in the privacy of your journal.
• Grace is continuing every sentence with the word 'Grace' or maybe using too many "I's" in your writing.
• Grace is yelling "shit" in Cross-Fit.
• Grace is typing that you yell "shit" in Cross-Fit.

Grace is amazing. There is even grace in this as I didn't feel the need to polish and repolish this blog. I am growing.

Andy

Still grieving...

Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. In short, suicide sucks... especially for those who are left behind. Please don't hear what I am not saying, "Sucks" doesn't necessarily equal "going to Hell." "Sucks" means it is hard for us. We cry out to God, thinking there was something we could have done. I lost 2 friends this year. One was a definite suicide.

I am not going to give many details, but I know that my good buddy was getting over a decade of drug use, coming off of anti-depressants, getting over a relationship, among other issues. In the midst, he heard the message that death was the next realistic step for him. He went excitedly! I don't know if he was conscious of his decision to kill himself...

That being said, we must continue to show compassion, understanding and love for all people. What does that mean? Let's continue to check in on those around us. That's it. The rest is up to God. Now, I understand that we can't be "on" all the time, but the rhythm of God's heart is to be focused on others. Cling to God and the "others" part will come.

Also, if there are signs of depression or suicide, we must convey the tragedy that would occur if we lost this person. Positively, we can constantly celebrate everyone in our life (without obligation).

Ultimately, none of us can fully control another. Therefore, we can't take blame for other's suicide. This seems obvious, but you start questioning everything when it happens to you personally. I did and still do at times...

God, please keep healing. And people, please keep reaching out.

PS - Attached are some pics for a tribute surf to my pal, Gage. The waves weren't big. But God provided the perfect shape so we could celebrate our fallen comrade.

Gage

My buddy Sean Gage died on Saturday (5/1/2010). He was one of the best friends a man could know. We shared weeks of bloody adventures, nights of steely pints and hours of philosophical ponderings. I have known Gage for a little over a decade. As I have considered his death for the past 24 hours, I have thought much about the life that he gave.

Gage helped keep my spine in alignment when I fell off that balcony years ago. He grieved with me when news came that my cousin Pete had died from a drug overdose. He surfed big waves on his first day out with me. He dropped everything for a friend... a semester class... even a girl. We wrestled, danced on speakers, took the stage, conquered the night and loved the days. The dude is a warrior poet.

I remember a trip we took together on the outer banks. Gage drove 9 hours just to crash my cousin's wedding (who he had never met). It was an incredible weekend. Yeah. Gage was the kind of guy you would write about. I remember writing a poem about him that weekend in North Carolina. The poem is called "two ninjas":

and ye to engage

a battle to begin with feist

before ye turn the last page

discovered, two allies disguised

an irish pillager opposes the pilipino cornerstone

pounding strength against wiry scrap

too fatigued to finish this battle alone

no one was granted the ultimate blow, the last tap

rather “ye two will combat together”

quoted the sky’s wise sage

fight tall, brother with brother

andy – two ninjas – gage

That's grieving for you.

Sean took his own life. I don't want to go into it.

The funeral... tears. When I looked around the sanctuary, I saw so many broken hearts. Sean filled our hearts. He was a gift from God. I thank the Maker that I knew Sean.

It is still so damn hard.

The Porn Identity

I recently preached on the topic of pornography at Flood. My story with pornography is not unlike many. As a sophomore at the University of Delaware, there was a 6-week period where I was going to school, working full-time, and pledging a fraternity. Those memories are filled with heading out 6:30 A.M. and returning back to the dorm at 1 A.M. About a week in, I realized I could partake in a late-night escape from the stress of life on my brand new P.C. The disease Pornography.

I found myself going down a road that would take years to turn around.

Now, it is very easy for all of us to diagnose pornography as a clinical addiction. Although some cases are, pornography is not just an addiction. Pornography is a result of impulsive behavior ("just happened, did out of nowhere"), compulsive behavior (people who range from habitually practicing it, to those who think about it all day to the point that they can’t control their behavior when they go home), and then there is addiction (it controls your life, motivation and vision). There are many causes beneath the act: boredom, needing a high, depression, escapism, masking depression, lack of sleep, marital or relational detachment, low self-esteem and loneliness. And for whatever reason we act on it, we need to acknowledge that there is a problem because it is rampant!

40% And yes, there is a storm of statistics!!! But we are just going to stick to one. Who here goes online (Uh, everyone reading this blog!)? 40% of people that go online are searching for pornography. Now, 40% of that 40%, a little under half, are woman. It’s wild! Now, I want to be careful not to project this statistic on you fine readers but...

After watching CNN the other day, I found out that there are new video games (available online) that are not only filled with racy images but have the “mission” of raping teenage people and their mom’s. What?!

I read this quote: “Porn companies can (and will) capitalize on the latest technological advances because of their deep pockets and the relative certainty that their investments will be returned by customers willing to pony up for their product, experts say.”

Chat rooms are used to create facades of sexual fantasy. Technology is trying to conflate intelligence software with sex dolls to recreate something surreal. And yet, it is not real. In each case, there’s no one real there!!! And yet it is creating real damage.

I read an article in Time Magazine that sociologists and psychologists found direct links between porn and:

• Increased dependency of visual imagery for arousal
• Decreased sexual activity among spouses
• Body issues and behavioral insecurities (men and women)
• Increased divorce rate
• Increased unprotected sex for youth (kids are the largest consumers 12-17)
• Connections with pornography and sexually abusive behavior
• Breach of trust

Whoa! Information overload. Pornography is a real cancer. But instead of me continuing to type, check out the sermon for yourself: The Power of the Pixels.

And let's find healing together in this.

By the way, I preached this with my in-laws in town and it wasn't awkward. In fact, they stood with me while I was up there. Awesome. THAT is another example of God's grace...

AK

Ps - XXX Church has a great website and computer software that provides accountability with online pornography. http://xxxchurch.com/ You partner with a buddy so that he/she can view the websites you are viewing. It paves the way for transparency and honest conversations. This website has brought tightened the bond between me and some fellow warriors who are fighting the good fight.

Dancing with the Parents

Dance Partners,

I have been to a good amount of weddings and yeah, I like mine the best. The one thing that stands out to me in all that I have attended is the Father/Daughter dance and the Mother/Son dance. They are such beautiful displays of the pleasure a parent takes in his or her child. Years of sacrifice that our parents have made and this is one of the most magical moments they share.

I remember dancing with my Mom. I saw the years she spent on me. It was hard at times (I'm sure), but she loved it. She loved giving up her life so that I could run around in the woods with guns made from nailed together 2X4's.

Man, I remember when I had a pretty tough accident a little under a decade ago. I was a child... all hurt up, stuck in the bed and eating blended anything.

Then there was my mom. There is nothing like being in the state of an infant yet having the mind of adult to help you recognize what a parents sacrifices so the child can flourish. It's this sacrifice that lets you know how much you are loved.

My wife Courtney sacrifices. She puts up with me and she serves her friends, our family and the church with her entire heart, time and talent. It's really sexy!!! There nothing hotter than a sweet servant's heart. Her Mom and Pop did an awesome job with this one.

What did I do to deserve sharing life with these women?!

Thank you God!

Dancing with you,

AK

A Perfect Day...

Here is a snapshot of the best day of my life: March 27, 2010. Put it in your calendar. And by the way, the hottie in the white dress is mine.

I think I cry everytime I watch this video.

~AK (with a beautiful CK on my arm)

Every good and perfect gift is from above. James 1:17