I preached the other day about our view of God as our "Everlasting Father." This one was especially tough for me because there is a person to compare/ contrast God with, my own Dad a.k.a. Pat 'the maniac' Kelly. I love my old man, but next to God, Pat never stands a chance. Nor should he.
And yet, our biological father has a heavy influence in how we view God.
I'm sure you can relate. Each of us have or have had a father whether we knew him or not. And there is much we can attribute from the experience, teaching and witness (or lack thereof) from our "earthly" fathers: compassion, drive, generosity, survival, precision, our love for sports, our love for the arts, our love for building things, etc.
Conversely, there is a lot of pain that we received from many 'dad' experiences: excessive demands, distance, abuse, inconsistencies, etc. Maybe Dad (and Mom) were absent via emotion, physical separation, divorce, workaholism, or death. It's kind of depressing when we consider our need for family and desire for a loving-and-instructing authority figure. Parenthood was, is and will be an imperfect system. God help me and Courtney, literally.
If we conflate our broken view of "dad" with the fact that God who is presented as "Father" 245 times in New Testament, we run the risk of a confusing the two. We can have a God who is loving (sometimes) and at the same time over-demanding, strict, distant, etc. Our imperfect, biological system can corrupt the true image of God. The one that is our forever Father, who not only transcends all time but has the (only) love transcends everything.
By the way, we all confuse our image our God.
Separating our earthly "dad" from our heavenly Father requires some serious intention. Blogging about every layers of this process would be impossible.
But I would like to offer a first step (of healing) for those who may experience anger from our overarching view of father (dad, what have you) and are ready to take some "next steps." Consider it unsolicited advice and proceed only if you agree with it logically and emotionally (if it gives you a warm and fuzzy feeling in your heart and head).
Before we begin, I want to state something about anger. "Anger" is a secondary emotion. Meaning, anger rises from a result of something else, a "primary" experience (i.e. loss, hurt, pain, struggle, injustice, etc). These primary experiences that we received from our broken parents can easily trigger/ ignite our anger. And that anger inevitably leads to blame as it appears to be the natural response and answer to this pain we are experiencing.
But the blame however becomes a epidemic in itself. In the end, blame only enhances the pain that is there.
Moreover, if we go down this rabbit hole of blame (i.e. if we just blame that 'dad' figure), we find that our dad has experienced the same pain. Transferring the blame, our dad can simply blame his dad. And so forth and so on. This rabbit trail ultimately leads back the first father, Adam and he was stuck in his own pattern of blame (See Genesis 3 - Adam instead blamed his wife...).
It is systemic. Because I am a broken dude, my kid (if God provides) will be unpacking the hurt I will cause in his life.
Moreover, we can also blame ourselves. This is scarier. As a result of the toxic tapes received from our father figures (or mother or spouse or boyfriend/ girlfriend or boss or society), we begin to believe them. "We are falling short constantly. We will never keep up." The messages begin to repeat themselves in our own mind but we become the author and recipient.
This inadequacy invites self-blame. The demands that are placed on us become as mandatory as the air we breathe. We continually fall short. "This is where we will remain if we don't get our act straight!" It is a message of hopelessness and the antithesis of the Gospel, the only path that gives entire acceptance despite our actions.
God doesn't want those thoughts in our head. He just wants us, all of us. Furthermore, he wants to know that we are not stuck in some repetitious cycle of 'bad' behavior (as 'validated' by the broken influences surrounding us). This is contrary to the free will He has given and wants for you and I.
The time is now for a huge paradigm shift. So what do we do instead of finding fault with others or our self (time for that "first step" I was talking about)?
Grieve. And grieve well. This will be a process for you and I. If there is a pain that lies awake or dormant in us, this means that there was a loss of something or someone that what we desired, expected to be there and most likely needed.
Example.
I love the the movie Good Will Hunting. Top 5 of all time. Easy (Hence, the random pics thus far).
In this movie, there is an epic scene where Will played by Matt Damon collides with the reality of his broken past in foster homes. "It's not your fault. It's not your fault... It's not your fault" is constantly repeated by Sean (Robin Williams), the realized juxtaposition and needed father figure Will has always been lacking.
Me and my boys love this scene.
The rough exterior that comprises Will eventually breaks down and he begins grieving the pain he experienced as well as the belief that he is a unwanted. He is able and begins to grieve the loss of the parent(s) he desires, all of the physical pain, the emotional hurt and the psychological damage he received. He can grieve the amount of time he believed "it was his fault." He can even grieve his own actions and the false cycle of belief that fueled it. That is the freedom of grief. It points to forgiveness to others and to our self. Grace.
Huge note: it is important to state that in grieving Will (Damon) is able to own his own behavior. In the movie, Will is arrested time and time again for numerous accounts of assault, various misdemeanors and a few felonies. The "it's not your fault" never applies to Will's crimes.
Society may want us to believe that Will was always innocent despite his crimes, but this would actually be the converse to the ending theme of the movie, Will's freedom to choose his own path.
Will knew he was guilty in that moment for what he has done in his past. So did Sean. (He even apologizes as he grabs onto Sean.) However, Will's actions never made Sean's love for him any less. Moreover, it is this shear act of Sean's genuine love that frees up Will. In fact, Will needed to own his own behavior to realize that he was able to leave "Southy" aka his Boston hood, head out to California and "see about a girl." (You gotta love that line.) In short, Free Will.
One must note that Robin William's character Sean plays a key role in this.
Could you imagine an Father with limitless love embracing us in the midst of all of behaviors... even our worst? It can free anyone up. It frees us from blaming others. It frees us from anger. It heals the pain of being separated from that need we desired the most.
Check out this parable: Luke 15:11-32. It paints a picture of God as told by Jesus Christ. Moreover, I also preached about it the other day (as I stated earlier... If you read this far, I am impressed). Please check it the sermon! This father points to the reality that He is the only Father that could ever fulfill us.
He is the God that wants you and I to know that there is something greater inside of us. If you know him, you will know that he says to you and I "This is my Child, whom I love and with you I am well pleased." And if we could only believe it.... It changes everything.
You may feel stuck. I feel stuck at times. Will was stuck, but it was because he believed he was stuck. Before, he chose anger. But after grieving and the relinquishment of the impossible expectations that results, the journey begins. Grieve the pain and celebrate the One who is died for our pain. We can finally celebrate...
If you want to know about this God, explore the New Testament (The book of Luke is a great place to start! Click here!!!). Furthermore, if you want to know God, follow His Son Jesus. "Now this is eternal life: that they know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom you sent."
I love you family! Thanks for reading...
Andy
A child whom is well loved, baby.
"This God is the only context in which our being makes sense. We do not find our true self by seeking self. Rather, we find it be seeking God." ~ David Benner
"To be a follower of Jesus, we enter a process of spiritual growth which becomes a gradual repudiate of the unreal image of God and an increasing openness to the true and living God. In healing our image of God, Jesus frees us from our fear of the Father and dislike of ourselves." ~ Brennan Manning
