I have a confession.
A serious temper ruminates in my heart. There is spontaneous irritation and sometimes extreme anger. Unpacking the origin of this inner storm has been a process of which I have not arrived. Either way, the volcano can erupt at any moment...usually in my words. Like my man James says, "Out of the same mouth comes praises and curses. Family, this should not be!" (James 3:10).
Cornhole Construction Day, baby.
Saturday was a big day. Me and 8 buddies got together to make homemade Cornhole sets. Yes, yes. Allow me to define ‘cornhole.’ Cornhole is a backyard game similar to horseshoes where you try to land beanbags (in place of the shoes) onto a constructed box (instead of the ring). If you sink your bag through a circular cut-out in the box (aka the ‘hole’), you get an additional 3 points. Great game, flimsy name.
Back to Saturday! We had a great bunch of guys. My brother and housemate/owner Kevin Hearn set up the day of construction. There 4 drills, a circular saw, wood glue a special drill bit to create the 6” hole. Man-time, baby! As the day progressed, I found myself doing multiple trips to Lowes, drilling, cooking and cleaning (this is the work excludes the time that went in before Saturday). In both cases, I never stopped. I never do.
At one point, I saw some of the fellas taking breaks (watching football, having a casual brew, playing a game on the newly constructed sets). I was working while some others were playing. Temper rising.
The day moves on. I never stop. There is work to do, right? Temper rising.
The day ends: 1) No more trips to Lowes. 2) The house is clean. 3) The sets are constructed. Unfortunately, while I was finishing cleaning the house, I was the last to pick out cornhole sets.
Ding. Temper is done: “Thanks for the $#!++y last pick fellas! I’ll take the broken set and the uneven set…like I had a freakin’ choice!” (I am aspiring for a career in pastoral ministry in case you didn’t know.) And yes, there are times where I get even more angry.
Saturday: How did I let myself erupt on my boyz (my brothers) like that? Nothing demands a response out of a raw hatred. Nothing. I say that with a loving grace that I receive from God right now.
The whole day reminds me of the small narrative about Martha in Mary found in Luke 10:38-42.
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38 As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. 39 She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet listening to what he said. 40 But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, "Lord, don't you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!"
41 "Martha, Martha," the Lord answered, "you are worried and upset about many things, 42 but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her."
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This is a tough one for me.
Initially, my response is: “Duh! When you can hang with God, do that instead of making bread!!!” But it goes deeper than that.
Another glance and the pendulum swings. This doesn’t make any sense logistically. Martha is the one who is making dinner. If she ain’t working, they ain’t eating. AND Mary is being a little lazy, right?
No. That’s not right either (at least not according to the Creator of all that is…including bread).
How am I seeing this passage? Many of us are looking through the lens of our 21st century-American-task-oriented culture. Without taking the time to recreate our environment, it suffices to say that we have to-do lists that take priority of our lives.
But then there is the Jesus, Mary and Martha. What is really going on here?
After some thought, I have come to a few notions:
- · Be still. Illuminate hurry.
- · Cleaning and preparing is good but enjoying the presence of a friend is better.
- · There is a disconnection between Martha and Mary. Why doesn’t Martha approach her sister with her feelings before she reaches ‘anger’ mode?
- · Maybe that night was a night to eat something simple with little to no preparation.
- · Mary is serving Jesus by listening to Him. We know that Christ has been on a long journey with His disciples. Mary, Martha and their brother Lazarus are Jesus’ friends. Jesus may need to retreat and unwind in the confines of their humble home and unpack where He has been. I rarely remember that He is human just as much as He is God.
Finally, the last question I asked the text: “Where does Martha find her worth? Is it in her hospitality or in her time with a Divine guest (or even friendly company)?
Where am I finding my worth? Do I keep busy because of my perfectionism (or wanting to appear perfect), shame (from not appearing perfect) or a lack of intimacy that I myself have limited with others (including the Perfect). This is a journey that I am unpacking.
The beauty is this. After I blew up on my boyz, took some time to think, and chilled with God, I received
- · the Trust to know that God’s strength is enough (despite my imperfections)
- · the Love to relinquish any shame or fear that I am experiencing
- · the Grace of a Friendship that is always welcoming, always approving and always investing.
What is the next steps with the fellas? I don’t know right now. I will just listen to what God is saying.
I am still learning but the process is also the answer when God is the Teacher and a Friend.
Andy
The story of Martha and Mary in the Gospel shows that the contemplative life is to be preferred. Mary chose the better part... But Martha's part, if that is our lot, must be borne with patience. ~Bernard of Clairvaux.
When we feel alone with God, it is easy not to need others, it is difficult, though, not to need others when God seems to be missing in our lives. ~ Thomas A' Kempis (upgraded by William C. Creasy).
